Tag: Humor

As the Leaves their Glory Hurl

Leafy Lament

I’m raking leaves and raking leaves,
scrape, scrape, scraping leaves;
reds and oranges, greens and yellows,
all the crispy, crunchy fellows
in soft piles under the big
Mulberry trees.

Leaves are falling all around me,
on my head, before, behind me,
making mockery of my raking,
all my nice green lawn o’ertaking.

It’s a leafy, leafy world
as the trees their glory hurl.
Oh, I need a vacuum sweeper
or a giant tree-leaf eater.

–Catherine Lawton

(Written a number of years ago before our neighborhood had leaf blowers. Extracted here from the book, Remembering Softly: A Life In Poems)
Photo © Can Stock Photo, BackyardProduct

 

If Your Animals (and Characters in Books) Could Talk

Sheep-meeting-poster

When I visited author Marilyn Wentz on her farm, I saw these sheep in a pen. The scene struck me as humorous, as if the one sheep in the foreground was holding a meeting of the flock. She seemed to have their attention. And a discussion seemed to ensue. Many of Marilyn’s (and her mother Millie’s) sheep have names. In All We Like Sheep the two shepherds tell stories of lambs and ewes named Carla, Charlene, Foxy Lady, Scotch, Squirt, Pumpkin, Spring, Teddy Bear, Gomer, Pibb, and Blue.

 

 

A Writer’s (Tongue-in-Cheek) Checklist

CCWC Editors and Agents Panel 2016

Are editors always this long-faced? 🙂 Maybe we have all seen too many proposals and manuscripts with these errors in them. (See the list below.) In this photo, I’m sitting in the middle of a panel of book editors and agents at CCWC May 2016. We’re all considering a serious question posed by a conferee. But plenty of light, humorous moments occurred at the conference also–and lots of encouragement and inspiration, as well.

One constantly-recurring theme for writers is that we must strive for clarity. To that end, at my workshop on “A Checklist for Writers” I shared my list of writing techniques. Then I offered this bonus “checklist” that uses tongue-in-cheek humor to help us avoid murky writing.
(This list comes from Professor Howard Culbertson at Southern Nazarene University, and I use it with his permission.)

  1. Don’t use no double negatives.

  2. About them sentence fragments.

  3. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

  4. Between you and I, case is important.

  5. Do not submit writing in email or cell phone text format — thx!

  6. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

  7. Use your apostrophe’s correctly. Omit the apostrophe when its not needed.

  8. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

  9. Of course, if any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

  10. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

  11. A writer must not shift your point of view.

  12. Avoid clichés like the plague. They’re old hat. So, go around the barn at high noon to avoid clichés and colloquialisms.

  13. Do not be redundant and keep repeating yourself; do not use more words than necessary; eliminate the superfluous in your writing.

  14. One should NEVER generalize.

  15. Be more or less specific.

  16. And avoid starting sentences with a conjunction.

  17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

  18. Don’t use commas, that are not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

  19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. So, take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

  20. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

  21. Be careful to use the write homonym.

  22. DO NOT use multiple exclamation points and all caps to EMPHASIZE a point!!!!!!!!

  23. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

  24. Proofread your writing to see if you any words out.

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